Monday, June 4, 2007

A New Chapter

I am opening a new chapter in my life, something I feel is drastically needed as I approach 30 and realize many of the things I had hoped to accomplish are still undone. Actually, the only thing I've wanted to do since, well, forever is write a novel and get it published. Recently, I've had an inkling to be a freelance writer, with dreams of earning enough to quit my day job and spend all my time writing at my leisure. (I didn't call it a dream for nothing!)

My life is pretty much the same-old, same-old--no dramatic changes on the outside, just the usual stress on the horizon. But something inside of me is changing. I can feel it, but just can't name it or see it clearly.

All I know is that i need to stop standing on the sidelines if I want to achieve my goals. I need to act, I need to fight off the exhaustion that fights to take over at the end of the day. And I simply must write.

This blog is a new chapter. I'm leaving my old blog behind--a place where I vented, blabbed, and basically whined about whatever was pissing me off at the moment. I don't want to write about these things anymore, mainly because complaining won't solve things that actually might have no solution.

I want to reclaim myself. The me who likes to discuss a good book, the softness of a particular yarn, contemplate characters and plots. I don't know how I lost such a big chunk of myself over the last seven years. I think the stresses of everyday life just grow bigger and bigger so that there is no more room in your head for things other than paying escalating bills with a stagnant income, what to make for dinner, will my husband make it to work on time if I miss the early train, let's study for that spelling test... (Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother and a wife, but that's not all I want to be.)

I sat to rest after a long day long ago, trying to convince myself that I'll get up and write a chapter in a minute, after I knit this row, after I finish this book, after I watch this show, after, after, after, until you eventually forget what you wanted to do with your life. It sometimes feels like the intelligence has leaked out of my brain, out of my ears, gone to mush. I graduated college with a 4.0 GPA, and I clam up and withdraw from intellectual conversations because I forgot a lot of what I never thought I'd forget and tell myself I can't argue my way out of a paper bag.

So I want this blog to be a place to think about the novel I'm writing, a book I'm reading, the life I want to be living. But most of all, I want it to motivate me to put the creativity-stifling workdays behind me, pick up the pen, and write. Even when I don't think I have anything worthwhile to say.

Dreams aren't achieved without sweat and tears. Novels don't write themselves. And nothing changes unless you really want it to.

6 comments:

Serena said...

sounds like a great start here. I'm proud...just keep it up...

where is that golden notebook post though...? that's going to be a good one I can tell.

Anna said...

I decided to rethink what I wanted to say. Hopefully that'll be posted this week, and I want to talk about "The Road" as well.

Serena said...

I look forward to both of those posts.

Anna said...

I'm happy someone does. :D

Sera said...

Hi Anna! I just popped in here before sending you a long overdue e-mail..... You got me thinking about my own sad blog, one that I haven't written in in over 6 months! Perhaps I'll need to revisit it soon!

Keep the writing spirit alive in you! I'm still waiting to get my hands on something that you've published!

Anna said...

Sera, you better get back to blog posting! I've missed getting an almost-daily update on your life!

As soon as I write something worth reading, you'll be one of the first people to see it. :D